What do I share?

I am seeing a friend today.

I haven’t seen her for a few weeks and although we have been in touch I haven’t filled her in on what’s been happening in my life just because I’d rather do it in person.

I have some good news for her, but I have bad news too.

I don’t know how much I should be sharing though.

Following on from last nights post, me and my husband are struggling to talk about what is going on. He wants to wait until we know for sure before we discuss our options and our feelings about it, but I have things I’m feeling now that I need to share with someone.

He has agreed that I can tell my friend about the possible problem, but I worry if I should be sharing it. 

Should it be just our business for now?

But then if he doesn’t want to talk about it then I need someone to talk to and who better than my best friend.

Aside from that though I have some good news. 

I just got the job I’ve been hoping to get for the last 8 months. I was doing maternity cover and a full time position for the same job, with different days, came up and I got it!

So now I am feeling a lot more secure, and I am so pleased to say I have held down a full time job for so long considering where I was only months before I got the job.

As well as this I went to see a doctor the other day, not my psychiatrist, I am seeing them next month.

I have been getting dizzy and headaches and wondered if it could be my tablets, she said she couldn’t say but she was interested in the tablets I am on, she said one of them is fine but she doesn’t like using the other one long term. So we made the decision to start reducing one of the tablets, by one tablet every 2 weeks until I am off it, as long as I feel ok whilst I am doing it.

I am so happy that she feels I am in a good enough place to do this and that it means that I can have confidence in the progress I have made.

It’s only been a week since I started reducing my dose but I don’t feel noticeably different which I’m hoping is a good sign.

So today I am happy to share my good news but unsure of where I stand with my other news; it is important to share but I need to make sure that I don’t say or do anything that could lead to someone else feeling unhappy or uncomfortable.

What do I share?

The importance of making plans. 

I find I really struggle on my days off from work. 

If I don’t have plans I become really unmotivated and struggle to get out of my bed. I need something to get me out and into the world.

I don’t have a standard weekend, I work Wednesdays to Sundays so Mondays and Tuesdays are my days off and everyone else is at work.

On top of this all of my close friends live quite far away.

Luckily I have family thar are available sometimes but I don’t want to have to rely on other people all the time.

This week I am going to see my sister I’m hospital,  this isn’t a particularly good distraction for me as seeing her in the state she is in now is something that I struggle with but I know that I do need to go and see her. Tonight I am going to play netball which should be quite good as exercise is a bit of me time.

Tomorrow I have booked in to do pilates and yoga so this will be a great help in getting me up and out, although there is quite a big gap between the sessions and I don’t know how I will fill it.

When I was off sick things were far worse, I never had work as a distraction so every single day was me trying desperately to find something, anything, to do.

Things are definitely better now but I know I need to make a conscious effort to plan ahead to avoid having down days.

The importance of making plans. 

Love

I rely a lot on love.

The love of my partner, the love of my family, the love of my friends, the love of strangers who appreciate the things that I have got to say.

Love encompasses so many things, it can be caring for someone and looking after them, it can be fierce and passionate, it can be gentle and warm; it takes so many forms.

I crave love, any love. I am weak and rely on it to make me feel worthy.

But we all deserve love, every single human being has loveable features, little quirks, individual features that make them who they are and someone will love that about them.

We should give more love, look out for you friends, your family, your neighbours, strangers in the street. Smile at someone and make their day, give someone something they need, it doesn’t have to cost anything but it can mean the world to someone.

Love has so much power and we can all wield it, share it with someone.

I love to be loved but I also want to give love to the world and watch how my contribution can give someone something that they need.

I want to spread love and make more people happy.

If we all gave a little more love we could achieve so much.

I love love.

Love