What do I share?

I am seeing a friend today.

I haven’t seen her for a few weeks and although we have been in touch I haven’t filled her in on what’s been happening in my life just because I’d rather do it in person.

I have some good news for her, but I have bad news too.

I don’t know how much I should be sharing though.

Following on from last nights post, me and my husband are struggling to talk about what is going on. He wants to wait until we know for sure before we discuss our options and our feelings about it, but I have things I’m feeling now that I need to share with someone.

He has agreed that I can tell my friend about the possible problem, but I worry if I should be sharing it. 

Should it be just our business for now?

But then if he doesn’t want to talk about it then I need someone to talk to and who better than my best friend.

Aside from that though I have some good news. 

I just got the job I’ve been hoping to get for the last 8 months. I was doing maternity cover and a full time position for the same job, with different days, came up and I got it!

So now I am feeling a lot more secure, and I am so pleased to say I have held down a full time job for so long considering where I was only months before I got the job.

As well as this I went to see a doctor the other day, not my psychiatrist, I am seeing them next month.

I have been getting dizzy and headaches and wondered if it could be my tablets, she said she couldn’t say but she was interested in the tablets I am on, she said one of them is fine but she doesn’t like using the other one long term. So we made the decision to start reducing one of the tablets, by one tablet every 2 weeks until I am off it, as long as I feel ok whilst I am doing it.

I am so happy that she feels I am in a good enough place to do this and that it means that I can have confidence in the progress I have made.

It’s only been a week since I started reducing my dose but I don’t feel noticeably different which I’m hoping is a good sign.

So today I am happy to share my good news but unsure of where I stand with my other news; it is important to share but I need to make sure that I don’t say or do anything that could lead to someone else feeling unhappy or uncomfortable.

What do I share?

Compassionate letter #5.

Hello friend.

It’s time for you to stop and breathe.

You’ve got a lot going on, a wedding to plan, a full time job to do, friendships to juggle.

Take a step back and realise you’ve got it all under control.

You’ve made massive progress planning the wedding today, and if you’re completely honest with yourself it’s been really well planned the whole way though, you’ve made sure of it.

Work is what it is, you need a job and although it’s busy and stressful, you are good at it, so have faith and soldier on.

You’re friends don’t require your constant attention and they are there to support you too. They love you and would do anything to ensure you are happy and healthy.

Take a step back.

Breathe.

Focus on the positives.

You are doing well.

Everyone has set backs, you can work through this.

Stay strong my friend.

With love always,

Your compassionate friend. 

Compassionate letter #5.

#lovemechallenge 

Day 3.

A word that describes me.

The best one I’ve got is unpredictable. 

I am quite spontaneous so people don’t know what I am going to do next.

My behaviour can change from one week to the next.

I go through cycles of being in a really good routine and then completely losing it.

My emotions are all over the place a lot of the time.

So there we go, unpredictable. 

#lovemechallenge 

#lovemechallenge 

Today is day 2 and I have to share a photo of myself, obviously I don’t want to show my face so let’s show my backside ahaha. 

This is me climbing Snowdon late in 2015.

I was on my way to the summit, which I reached, and it was the second time I had reached it, and the second time in that week!

The weather was much nicer than it had been earlier in the week and we had a clear view from the summit.

Hopefully I’ll make it to the top again in a couple of months on my honeymoon. 

#lovemechallenge 

#lovemechallenge

I saw this on Facebook and thought I’d give it a try.

Each day you check off the next thing on the list.

Today is number 1.

Why are you doing #loveme?

I want to share a bit about what I am learning about myself.

I know that day 2 involves sharing a picture but I will keep it pretty obscure to protect my anonymity.

So why am I doing it?

It seems like a good way to share some positivity and to reflect on the good things in my life.

I struggle to be positive and to give myself some love so I thought this would be a good idea.

Also it gives me a reason to blog everyday which I feel is good for me, but something that I am not doing as much as I would like.

Positivity is so important, as is giving yourself some care and attention.

I want to share this journey with you and see where I am in 28 days.

I hope you will come with me on this journey.

Thanks for reading!

#lovemechallenge

Compassionate letter #4

Hello old friend,

How are you doing?

How is your sister?

She will get better you know, I promise you she will.

I know you are worried about her but you can’t let it rule your life. You need to remain healthy if you are to be of any use to her.

Look after yourself and then you can help to look after her, and the rest of your family. Supporting your mum and dad at what is a challenging time.

Don’t do too much though. It isn’t your responsibility to look after everyone, as much as you think it is. They just need your support, you don’t need to do every little thing for them, they are adults too.

Make time to do what you enjoy and have a break from all the worrying.

It takes time to recover, you of all people know that, given the journey you have been on yourself.

Have patience and good things will come, she will get better, and she will thank you for any support you gave her, she will understand that you couldn’t be there every day, and she will appreciate that you did what you needed to in order for you to remain healthy too.

Don’t be hard on yourself, I know it’s difficult to see someone suffering when you can’t do anything to help them but other people had to do the same when you were ill and you don’t feel resentment towards them for not finding a magic cure, so she won’t feel that towards you. 

You are doing all you can.

Stay strong and look after yourself and everyone else will follow.

With love,

Your compassionate friend. 

Compassionate letter #4

Exercise because you love your body, not because you hate it.

I’ve recently started exercising again. Just little bits, one netball session a week and a few classes at the gym.

I used to exercise to the extreme, running up to 20 miles at a time, and I did it because I was striving for the perfect body. 

At this point I had already halved my body weight but I still wasn’t happy, I kept pushing myself further and further on a quest for some form of perfection that I couldn’t define. I always wanted more from myself and all I had to give wasn’t enough.

After falling ill and quitting exercise because, to be perfectly honest, I didn’t have the motivation to get out of bed let alone get sweaty, I have been through a lot of therapy and tried to deal with my issues and conquer my demons that tell me that enough is never good enough.

I feel like I am in a much better place now and I am wanting to exercise for the right reasons.

I want to be healthy, not skinny.

I want to work to increase my stamina and see my fitness levels rise.

The size of my clothes and the number on the scales is irrelevant, what matters is how I feel, not how I look.

Learn to love yourself as you are, no matter how you feel I promise you are worthy and you are more than good enough.

Exercise because you love your body, not because you hate it.