So I’ve been pretty absent the past couple of weeks.
I keep meaning to write down how I’m feeling but when I try nothing comes out.
I’m going through a bit of a rough patch.
My eating is sliding, my moods are irregular, I missed a day of work due to not feeling like I could even get out of bed. All the techniques I’ve learned in therapy have essentially been abandoned. I’m gaining weight and I just feel like a lump.
I don’t understand why any of this is happening though, nothing has really changed.
Maybe it’s just being a normal functioning adult is taking its toll on me after me being out of action for so long.
I had my hen party this week and I just felt like I didn’t belong. They had done a great job organising it and I had a good time, but I knew I should have been having a better time.
Today I read something on Facebook that I didn’t want to see too, this sent me into a bit of a bad place, and my fiance didn’t understand. He never understands why other people’s lives concern me so much, but if something affects me then I can’t just not feel what I’m feeling. I don’t have that sort of control.
I text a friend and she made me feel better.
I needed to write about it though, I need to get this out in a healthy way.
I need to be vocal about the fact that things are so great.
I need to admit it to myself.
I need to challenge these things that are happening and focus on a better future.
I need to share my story.
From now on, I’ll try to be less absent.