Looking out for yourself.

Today my fiance sat me down and had a chat.

On Sunday I was a mess, I couldn’t go to work. As we work together he was able to take my place and go in and cover my shift.

Today he told me it’s not fair on him for me to run myself in to the ground and expect him to pick up the pieces.

He says I do everything for everyone else and run myself down so that I can’t function and only he has to see how it affects me and only he has to be responsible for doing the things that I should be doing and yet can’t.

I feel bad for him, he doesn’t deserve to have all of this thrust upon him, he didn’t ask for any of it.

But I don’t see it coming, I don’t do stuff for my family knowing it will ruin me and leave him to sort through the broken mess that I become.

I don’t knowingly destroy myself.

It just happens.

I wish I could see how my actions will affect my future self.

I wish I had more foresight.

How can I break this cycle and prevent what happened this weekend from happening again.

I can’t keep expecting him to mend me everytime I fall apart.

It isn’t fair.

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Looking out for yourself.

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