I’m at the hospital today, my sister is poorly. She came in with an infection and now she isn’t herself anymore.
She’s hardly speaking, hasn’t been eating, has been seeing and hearing things and is just really struggling.
It is so strange viewing a mental illness from the outside.
I’ve never watched this happen to anyone before.
My mental illness was very different to this but I at least share the experience with her of having a lack of control over your thoughts and your mental function.
I always saw it from the inside though, where you know every thought that goes on and every option you are giving yourself.
Where you know the things about your illness that no one else does, things you can’t share because it won’t allow you to.
Now I’m seeing it from the other side. It’s scary being on the outside, not knowing what’s really going on in that persons head. What thoughts they are fighting with, what they want to say but can’t.
I do know how desperately she wants to get better though, that is something I can share with her. She keeps saying how much she wants to come home, and it’s horrible telling her that she can’t, not yet.
I really want her to start to heal and get back to her usual self a bit more.
I have no doubt this will be a long journey, mine was and still is really.
Now I know just how difficult it is for those that have to watch you lose control and not know what your next move is going to be.
Mental health is so unpredictable. I just wish we could understand it a bit better so we could help more people.