I’m really bad at eating in a controlled way. My vision is very black and white, I’m an all or nothing type of girl.
I’m either binging or restricting, or some variation of the two. I get into cycles where I consider my eating to be really good or really bad, but I shouldn’t view foods as good or bad. I should allow myself anything as long as it’s eaten in moderation.
I anguish over making food decisions, I want something and I have to go through reasons in my head for and against this decision, I can never just go for something without questioning it in my mind.
I had this today, I’d just been to pilates and although it’s not high intensity it is exercise, I am advised by my therapist to eat more when I exercise to avoid having too much of a calorie deficit so I shoild have just bought what I wanted for lunch. But it wasn’t that simple, I see something I want, I check the calories, no I shouldn’t have that, look for something lighter, don’t treat yourself.
Why not? I’m allowed to give myself a break, I’ve currently got a pretty balanced diet so why not be more lenient on myself.
I got to the till and saw a breakfast biscuit snack with chocolate chips in it, I picked it up, read the calories, put it down, kept looking at it, then turned my back on it. Why couldn’t I just let myself have it?
I did in the end, just as I was about to pay I put my foot down on those thoughts that stop me being free, turned around, picked that bar up and bought it.
I feel like that is a small win, beating those thoughts that hold me back so often. Taking ownership of situation and doing what I want not what I think I should do to be ‘good’.
So treat yourself, don’t constantly beat yourself up over these decisions.
Feel free to be healthy but healthy is about so much more than what you put in your mouth. You need to treat yourself to have a healthy attitude to food and yourself.
Your value is so much more than what you eat and what other people think about it, just remember that.