So today I had an appointment with my psychiatrist; I haven’t seen him since September and I feel that since then a lot has changed so I was very excited to catch up with him and let him know how life is getting better now.
He seemed pleased that I seem happier in myself and he told me that he was happy to see me smiling now.
Since I last saw him my medication has doubled and I feel that it has made the world of difference to me. I have also started a new job and I am now working full time which is a massive achievement given the shocking lows that I reached in the last year and the struggles I faced with my previous employment in the time that I have been in recovery.
He didn’t ask me a lot or decide to make any changes to my treatment at this time because I am doing so well, and he told me that he hopes to sort out a fast track discharge for me so after 6 months I will no longer need to see him or my nurse. This is both really pleasing and really scary because I do worry what will happen when I am no longer under their close supervision, however it’s really good news that they think I am in a suitable place to take this step.
But I will still be able to continue my therapy so I won’t be completely alone and he is happy for my therapy to continue for a while to enable my full recovery. My therapy focuses on my eating habits and my emotional regulation and I know that the longer I have access to this the better it will be for me in the long term.
He then asked if I had any questions, and I did; quite a big one really.
I wanted to know how soon I can start a family, I’m getting married in April and I always wanted to start a family as soon as I was married, I know I am still quite young and that there’s no rush but I just feel like it’s something that I really want and I always have.
His answer wasn’t what I wanted to hear, but it was what I expected.
He told me to wait until I have been stable for 2 years; he said this will give me a chance to live my life for a while whilst enjoying being stable for the first time ever really, he also said by then it may be possible to decrease my medication which would make a pregnancy less risky. He did say that it is completely up to me and I can choose to disregard his advice but I understand that he does know best and he has experience of these things and the last thing I want is to have a child and then return to that dark place.
Later this evening I will write myself a letter from my compassionate friend to try and explain to myself why I shouldn’t be disappointed and should take his comments as a positive rather than a negative.
At the end of the appointment I thanked him for all he has done for me and the role he has played in my recovery and his response was that a large part of the work has been done by me and that it was important that I was the one that hung on and took the help I needed and did the things that have aided my recovery. He really made me feel proud of all that I have achieved and made me realise that I have in fact done a lot of the work myself.